So..its November- officially one of the most depressing months of year (apart from January according to Caseman) and life is back to square one.
Me and Dann split up about 2 weeks ago and although Im currently feeling quite numb about it- theres a part of me that wants to just give in to the temptation and let him just be in an open relationship with me. I want it so FUCKING much, but the whole point of this whole change in character that I was trying to portray, was so that I wouldnt be trodden on/walked over etc. I want to be a strong woman, able to make her own mind up and be in control of her life- not this sad, needy one without any one to be there for her.
These are the kinds of things that are going around in my head atm. And tbh, its just all very depressing.
Also, I found out early yesterday that New Dan (partner in school production) hooked up with a girl on the weekend and now theyre going out. hmm. great. there goes my chance at an actual viable relationship.
So basically all im left with is the weirdos i met/am going to meet off the internet (no, im not crazy...just desperate and able to be my real self on the internet.)
So...possible choices to keep me entertained whilst I try and find myself a new partner in crime:
- Stuart: would definatley go out with me if i asked...however, dont particularly fancy him
- Ben M: jewish. just about says it all really.
- Adam: 26. just found out im 17 (really am 16, but didnt think hed be able to handle that)... going well, but now its just NOT viable at all until i get my braces off... or else, he WILL freak
- Charlie: most likely tbh. 15 and naive about the world. can easily be tempted into sex with alcohol and cigs. hope guilt free sex will occur.
- Ollie D: mmmm. YES. however...has a girlfriend (hasnt stopped him before. and apparently, ive got this magnetic hold on him. in his words: 'if you went in for a kiss, i wouldnt be able to pull away' so, hopefully thats a reliable bet).
so yeah..theres a run down of the men in my life atm. although, my biggest problem would be the fact my sex drive is THROUGH the roof and i have no one to take it out on (mainly due to the fact im now on the pill- did i ever mention how FUN it is being a woman??)
ohh and lucy cant keep her mouth shut. Katie found out about me saying how attention seeking shes being about making shit up about her and Ollie. and then when i asked lucy about it (after she provoked me by reading my texts behind my back and then making snide comments throughout reg today, she totally denied saying anything. basically- note to self: dont tell lucy anything in future.)
Also, what with end of term coming up- work load is doubling by the day and my coursework deadlines are paramount in my life atm. first english draft in for the end of term apparently and photog should be completed by the end of xmas (trying to get a head start on that one though). ughhhh so fecking hard.
ahh well. thats an insight into my life right now. ill keep you updated.
xxx