You know what?

I'm just gonna come out and say it:

• I dont like Bon Iver or The Beatles
• Ive only ever watched a handful of episodes of hollyoaks and quite frankly- their accents piss me off
• south america is one of the most dangerous places in the world and before you, i was happy not to go there ever in my life.
• if i could eat meat and not put weight on, i would. VERY happily.
• im ALWAYS angry at you. you just never know it
• i hate you because i love you
• youre not even THAT attractive

• ... okay that last one was bullshit.
• i love clothes, magazines, vampires, CLICHES full stop! i even prefer music thats in the charts currently- shock horror!
• I cant STAND reggae.
• the idea of you or myself smoking weed makes me physically repulsed. I never want to see you when youre high.
• even when youre drunk youre pretty pathetic
• i LIKE putting moody statuses up on facebook that let other people know im upset/ heartbroken because that way at least ill get a little sympathy from SOMEONE.
• i hate how much of a cocky little shit you are.
• Rickmansworth IS in London- ITS ON THE MET LINE SO THERE.
• youre so fucking insecure it makes me mad. why cant you stop being pathetic and hiding behind all these facades and walls and just accept who the fuck you are and get on with it.

oh. and leave me alone. you said i deserve happiness- so give me some please.

I hate the fact youre still here, but your not.

I hate how I cant get you out of my head, no matter how far I go or where I go

I hate how I feel so lonely without you to talk to

I hate how things would be easier without you, but my heart would ache even more

I hate how youre not here, yet you still keep me up till 2am every night

I hate you but I love you. Its simple pain. But probably the hardest pain I'd have to endure.

Id rather have my jaw broken again than go through this still.

why cant you just leave me alone? everythings already hard enough with the memory of you still here.

Just realised how laughable this blog is... three years of shit that just DOESNT matter- exams, men and arguments with friends- was that really all my childhood has turned out to be? sweet lord.

going to school monday- hoping that the jaw wont hold me back for too long. i just want to get out so that my thoughts arent constantly haunted by her. but we wont go into that for several reasons: mainly because i cant be fucked to cry about it AGAIN.

bye blog :) x

Appendix I

So today Ive posted two new rather long posts to explain my absense over the past few months. If you read them, I guess you'll have a pretty good guess why. And now, Im most definatley in the mourning stages.

So I finally had this jaw operation that Ive been leading up to. Pain wise- actually fine. Swelling and bruising, not okay. i look like a 20stone head on a 9 stone body. awful. but considering it was only a week ago that this happened.... not gonna lie. i look pretty okay. as for the jaw...well thats another matter.

hope to be writing on here more some time soon

I miss you