Questions

Today i realised that i have been very silly.

Having spoken to my singing teacher for my entire singing lesson once again (this time on the subject of potential boyfriends, the pressure of having one etc etc) i realise that i have been giving out the totally wrong vibes.

I have to acknowledge the fact that yes, i do want a boyfriend but i also have to realise that i have to be comfortable in my own skin before i go making any brash decisions. My teacher told me about one of her friends that is single, happy and gorgeous- has men falling at her feet, and yet she doesn't want a boyfriend. She just goes with the flow. I really wish i could be like her.

In fact, i think and hope that that is what I'm going to do from now on. I do want a boyfriend, but i have to make the world believe that i don't want one, act happy (and be happy!) in my own skin and not feel that a man/ boy will complete me and make me ecstatically happy. This sounds incredibly easy to do on a computer screen- but by god ...its going to be tough in real life.

Right. This is it. The start of a new Alex. A happier Alex, a fresher Alex. I just hope that i can make this work. I need to stop chasing happiness and just let the good times roll.

Love to you all,
Alex
xxxxxx

Updates

Today i got a smosh poster from caseman :)

Just to let you know...

• I'm no longer talking to Olly for a number of reasons:
• he put up pictures of a SLAAG and said he 'loved' and 'wanted' her...he didn't even have the backbone to tell me he'd found someone else!
• Ive realised he is not worthy of my time/ energy
• he isn't even that pretty
• hes a man whore...quite frankly.

I wish id realised this earlier tbh. I think overall things are going to get better from now on with this whole me-wanting-a-bf-situation. I'm going to try not to think about men in particular from now on and i wont jump at every opportunity to get off with anything that breathes and has a penis.

Ohhh dear I'm rather desperados.

Good bike xx

?

today i did my second maths module

and i think a B is in order tbh.
which isn't all that good but meh. theres always re-taking.

I am now finding myself in a bit of a dilemma....Olly is back on the scene and i don't know what I'm doing. I'm meant to be going to a party this Friday 'with' him (or sort of first date or w/e but tbh i don't really think that's what its classed as when your only planning to get off with them) in a field next to or in the aquadrome. However he may not be going cos his auntie is ill in Coventry or something :S

i think ill go anyway. Tilly + Hannah are going and Tilly said shed introduce me to a few people...so i think it wud be a good social experience for me :) good times
also...alcohol has been promised. Tbh i miss it so much i may even just go for the free booze.
lol. so fickle.

But anyway back to Olly...he was asking whether id actually have sex with him on Friday.
The funny thing is i was actually considering it for a while before reality kicked in and my head was screwed on once more and i realised that this would be a totally hobo-esque thing to do.

So maybe not :S

However i have planned to go further along the bases on Friday with him...that is, if he shows up!

lol.

bulimia is getting better- managed not to throw up for 4 days in a row last week, happy Alex!
and i think I'm making progress with the whole situation.

Anyway...g2g and talk to Caseman cos she is BACK! yaaaaaaayy :)
love to all of you saviours of the Internet xxxx